1st April 2007 - April Fools Day

It was April Fools Day. Having always been considered - or maybe that should just be having always been - a miserable cow, I've never really seen the mirth in April Fool's Day. The problem has always been for me that a 'joke' is something that should be funny. Most April fool's jokes are just lies, not funny lies, just lies. So anyway, April Fools Day usually passed me by. I am probably often duped by the jokes but just don't care. But this April Fools Day it didn't pass me by.

In the home there's a chalk board on the wall where some staff member or other is tasked with writing the day and date - sometimes with a wee smiley which makes all the difference. Often it's misspelled. I used to think this was due to the number of Eastern European staff until I saw Susie - Embra born and bred and proud of it - write up Satarday 13nth Febry. Frequently it's forgotten about for a couple of days, which must defeat the purpose surely - keeping the residents aware of the day and month is a good idea but the Groundhog Day effect must be a problem. Even worse sometimes it just wiped clean. Lily once cornered me in front of it "Is it no a day the day then hen?" I looked at the board "It's just not been written up today Lily. It's Saturday today". "But that's no wit it sez up there. Maybe I've no woken up yet, is it still yesterday? Naw that canny be right. I'm no in ma goonie, I'd be in ma goonie if it wiz yesterday. I'm jist gaunae wait here until it's a day. I might be daft but I'm no risking walking about in between days". A reasonable enough precaution in the circumstances I supposed.

But, this day, the board was emblazoned with 1st April - APRIL FOOLS DAY. But someone had hung the board upside down in a 'comical' way. Anyway, a couple of the residents passed the chalkboard, tilted their heads in a budgie-like, birdy fashion, then stopped and stood, staring at the upturned notification of the year's most jocular day.

My Dad, as we passed the board, looked at it, snorted himself into an asthmatic coughing fit and then looked me in the eye and asked "So it's all a joke then? I'm not going mad, not going down the pan and I can go home with you now? It's all a joke. I knew you wouldn't leave me here! To Moira's, or Colin's, my house or even your house, but we can leave now - yes?" "No Dad, we can't. You are still not well enough. You still have your bad turns" I try to fob him off. I might have imagined it but I think I see his spark return to his eye, the one that would flicker in there before he would send out a barb, a veiled barb, a "you took me the wrong way" barb, but a heat seeking, heart seeking, target guided, sidewinder barb all the same. "Bad turns? Is that what you call dying? Dementia's a bad turn is it? It's April Fools Day but I'm not buying it". I tried to think of something to say but couldn't find anything but Tweedledum came thumping through with a red nose on and a cowgirl hat with attached blonde pigtails "Aprils Fool - got ya" and tickled him with a feather duster. Thanks Tweedle, you saved my ass. It annoyed him so much he forgot his irritation with me, forgot his realisation and lost hold of that spasm of loquaciousness and clarity. "I lost my glasses over the side of the Queen Mary you know" he tells me again. Poor Dad. I hope he doesn't remember how I let him down.