30th March 2007 - Put them away then!

I've always been irritated by women with big breasts. It's not the breasts themselves that annoy me but the women behind them. Generally - and I do mean generally as I also know a few mammary heavy women that are very nice people - they really get on my tits. My ordinary sized tits. This may be sour grapes. I am probably jealous of my melony friends but my bug bear has always been this. If you have big boobs and claim to hate them, claim to hate the way clothes hang because of them, claim to suffer all manner of indignities as men ogle them and talk to them rather than you, and claim not to be able to sleep on your front and have terrible backache because of their pendulous weight, can I send you these pieces of advice. Firstly, buy a decent bra, one that supports the weight, therefore stopping the backache. Secondly, put them away then! Thirdly, stop talking about them all the time. And lastly, if you have big boobs but are also overweight, then the boobs are just fat, that's all, lose some weight and hey presto! your problems will be solved.

This rant was brought to you via Tweedledum who decided to confide in me today the perils of being a bigbreasted woman. She's not, she's fat. And she has them out on show whenever she can. And she talks about them all the time, drawing attention to them in case her saggy blubbery cleavage hadn't already caught your eye, or the michelin man effect on her back caused by her bra straining to circumnavigate her girth.

"Ma Rickie loves 'em. Can't keep his hands off them. But I've always suffered at the hands of ma boobs". I reckon her Rickie throws himself into the gorge of her cleavage to muffle the sound and keep away from that face.

Put them away. Shut up about them. Buy a bra that fits. Lose some weight. And if all else fails, surgery is always an option.

Rant over. Me and my average sized boobs apologize to all those women with nice large boobs. Look after them, love them, don't flaunt them too much, don't complain about them and I'm sure they will serve you well and give years of pleasure.