19th February 2007 - Look what you could have won

Ellie, Mark and I all went in today. Or rather Mark went to Tesco's while Ellie and I visited, then came in after he'd walked as slowly as possible to the home. Sean and I had been away for the weekend, so I hadn't seen Dad since Thursday, although Colin had said he'd visit on Friday and Sunday. I'd tried very hard not to feel guilty and had succeeded for the mostpart until it came to this quandry - one that I've had before.

We'd visited a grand house when we were away, one that as a family we'd visited several times in my childhood, and I'd bought a guide book to show Dad. This is the quandry. Is it worse for him to see this kind of thing? Does it seem like a Jim Bowen "Look what you could have won" moment? Am I simply showing him something that'll further remind him he's going nowhere? In the past I've brought in programmes from shows I've been to see and the like and I'm sure his face read "What in the world made you think I'd like to see this?". But that could be my interpretation of it because this is a man who took and had processed photo's of his new porch to show me and my brother and sister. Presumably he didn't think our imaginations were up to the visualisation of such a design feature but - without blowing my imaginery imaginative trumpet too much - mine seemed pretty spot on once compared with the photographic evidence.

The 'photos of the porch' gave rise to one of my favourite stories - my sister was being persued by a new man and on the phone told him she was being shown photos of Dad's new porch - only to be met by an impressed noise from the other end and a enquiry of "Which one the 911?". She left him under that illusion - it's substantively less glamourous to have a father with a new metre square glass room on the front of his hoose than a porsche.

Anyway, I showed him the glossy from the grand house, pointed out the oil paintings and carvings that had remained in my memory for the 30 years between visits - hoping they were the most memorable for him too - and talked through the visit. I tried to get him to talk about having been there and he did to an extent, although I may have hustled him through it. My projection onto him rather than his words - once again.