1st February 2007 - Whose right is it anyway?

Went in this afternoon to see him. He's got a large lump on the back of his head and dried blood in his hair. He must have hit something hard, very hard. He says he fell twice, says the more painfull fall hurt his back. I told the staff about that one too. They're going to get a urine sample tested to see if he's got a UTI. No matter what goes wrong they do this. Apparently he was very unsteady on his feet yesterday, but I didn't notice that when I saw him. Maybe he got wobblier in the afternoon or evening. His nose kept running and he kept wiping it on his sleeve, leaving snail trails up his arms. I gave him a tissue from a pocket packet and the remaining ones he put in his pocket. He got up and said he needed to go to the toilet and I asked if he knew where to go and he seemed compus enough to get there so I let him go, while Ellie and I played snap. Jinny at the next table was annoying Amy. She was annoying me too but from a distance. She kept taking her top off and juggling her breasts. Not that they looked like breasts, nothing sexual, nothing nurturing, nothing comforting in those paps. Amy kept telling her she was a dirty bitch but Jinny persisted. Jinny only really says 'Oh-oh'. She varies the volume, speed and pitch but very rarely the words. Once she came towards me, very directly, very pointedly coming for me, held my face and said 'Toilet'. I took her by the hand and led her to the nearest toilet. She was crying and grateful and kissed me full on the lips.

When Dad is led back from the toilet he's wearing different trousers. His nose is still dripping and I realise the hankies are in the pair of trousers he's soiled, so I give him a fresh packet, Groundhog Day again. thinking of Groundhog Day makes me remember - not that I'd forgotten but it jolts back to the forefront of my mind - that he's gone through over 2 and a half years of Groundhog Days. Surely he has the right to end that if he can? Human rights - who dishes them out then? Who says what's a human right and what's not, and who gave them the right to say so. Well I'm giving my Dad the right. I'm not going to say anything to the home. If he is thinking of suicide and is able to do it then do I have the right to stop him?

I didn't really get to talk to him, what with Jinny the jug juggler and some daft tart who greeted me as if she knew me and told me about a visit to the zoo they're having in March. Would my Dad like to go? What about the steamrailway or the canal boats? Or she runs a wee sudoko afternoon every now and then - away and shite -has she seem him? has she sat with him? Sudoko for Christ's sake.