25th March 2007 - Licked the bowl clean

We went in a little later than usual today - after picking Mark up from school rather than before. It must have been about 3:45 when we got there. The staff were already getting ready for the evening meal. Each resident has to be 'toiletted' prior to their meal, so each person that can't go themselves is taken there, then escorted back to sit at the dinner tables and wait for their meal. Presumably the theory is that if you've used the hoist to get them out of their sitted chair into a wheelchair you might as well leave them in it rather than transfer the person again. So the person will be sat in the wheelchair, tucked into the table, bib on ready for food for anything up to two hours depending when the food comes and when they are removed from the table. Sometimes, though, one of the more mobile residents will either mistake the wheelchair handles for a zimmer, or have a wicked turn and decide to take the poor unfortunate for a hurl. Still it maybe beats staring at the same knfe, fork and spoon for a couple of hours.

Jinny had been persuaded to sit at a table. There were four place settings, set for three courses and with a thick glass tumbler at each one. Starting with her own, she picked up each piece of cutlery and ate an imaginery meal with them, licking them clean and replacing them. She drank imaginery juice from each tumbler and set them back too. She was being watched by my new least favourite staff member. A poisonous wee woman who resembles Roz the sea slug thing from Monsters Inc. She had just finished shouting at Dilys - the youngest resident who is very able bodied and often very lucid - shouting to tell her to sit down in case she fell. Dilys sat "There, I'm sitting doon - are ye happy noo? So huv I jist to sit here until teatime huv I? Oh yer fuckin' jokin' are ye naw? Jist sit here fur hoors? Not bloody likely" and she went to get up. I've never seen Roz move more quickly, darting over to stand over her and force her to sit down again. "I'm only thinking of you Dilys, I don't want you to fall". "I'm no going to fuckin' fall, why should I fall? I'll use one of those daft zimners if you want". "You won't fall because you'll sit there. I'm just thinking of you" and she throws me an expression of careworn resignation, casting her eyes skyward and slightly shaking her slug head. Tweedledum appeared and they both walk away to continue laying the tables. "She's fuckin' stinking of shite by the way" Tweedle tells Roz. "Aye and she can stay that way an aw. I'm off on ma break in a hour and I'm no changing that before I huv ma tea".

Jinny noticed them pass her and stood to be face to face with Roz "Oh oh oh oh oh oh toilet". "Sit yourself down Jinny, yer cod in parsley sauce will be here in a bit" then to Tweedledum "And I'm no getting her piss all over my shoes again either, I'm going to the Weavers straight efter".