16th March 2007 - Kenneth Williams

The entertainments lady - 2nd in command - was around today. She was reading through cards with questions on them "Did you have a favourite teacher at school?", "Was there someone who influenced you in your life?" and the one that caught my notice was "Did you have a favourite singer?". Even while I was noticing that all the questions were in the past tense - like she was asking exit questions from purgatory's waiting room - I heard her turn to Lilly and say "You used to like music. Did you naw like Kenneth Williams? He was a luvly singer in the olden days wis he naw?" There was a Scottish singer - Kenneth McKellar - and I'm assuming she meant him. I can't imagine a "Ooooh matron" to the skirl of the pipes. But she knew she was wrong and corrected herself to Kenneth Branagh, to Andy Williams, to Alexander Brotherson, to Moira Alexanderson, to Magnus MacMagnus but she kept returning to Kenneth Williams. Her little group of entertainees were not saying anything. I understood why. I didn't want to be an arse and shout across the room but I can't tune her out. She moves on to another question "What was your favourite food?". Lily decided enough was enough "What the fuck do you mean 'was'? Wur nae deid yit ya silly bitch and it's Kenneth McKellar ya daft cunt. Can ye no have a word wi yerself and dae a bit of wurk at hame. It's nae fur me - I don't gie a fuck I'm only 23 and I'm leaving soon as Wullie gits here - but these dat auld cunts dinnae huv a clue wit yer own aboot" and she stumbled of towards her zimmer.
I look back to Dad and realise I've been ignoring him and he's asleep. Shame on me. Ignoring my Dad to listen to that. Shame - again.