22nd April 2007 - Friday 13th April Have a nice day!

There's a new man. He looks lovely, he's so smiley. He's very smart, very dapper. His hair looks like a wig, even though it's not, but it looks like the wig Stepoe's Dad used to wear when he was trying to be posh. I saw his family bring him in, he was smiling, fixed smile, being told all the same things. "It's just until you are feeling stronger, and if you don't like it we can see about something else. The food is great - you have to watch you don't start getting fat! And there's lots of outings and trips. They even have entertainment brought in special - I wouldn't mind a few weeks convalescing here myself". Talk talk talk - I did it when I was bringing my Dad in all those months ago. Anything to avoid him being able to ask, to question, to make me have to tell the truth. I smiled feebly at the relatives, they smiled back at me, but our eyes meet and I know they are hating this, and they know I've hated it too. And he smiles.

But if there's a new resident, there must be one gone, so I looked around the day room doing a mental tick list. There's no Jinny. And I listened and I couldn't hear "ohohohohoh". And I thought back and realised that over the last couple of weeks I hadn't had to rescue Ellie from Jinny, only from Margaret and Cecily.

I saw Tweedle on the way out and I asked about Jinny. "Deid. She woke up the next agin morn to a heart attack. Aye, woke up to heart failure, took a heart attack. But as I ayeways say "Thats' the way to go" - it is though eh but ? Ok one minute then wake up deid the next through the night". I agree with her but I'm thinking "But she wasn't ok was she, she'd been off her trolley for years you daft tart" and I feel guilty for being so uncharitable until Tweedle tells me "I didnae mind Jinny, she wiz annoying but harmless - apart fur the smell of shite - but the one I'm waiting fur is Dolly. I canny wait for Dolly to pop her clogs - no fur her sake, she's no so bad - it's her buckin' husband. Yisterday I wis gieing Moll her yoghurt and he comes up tae me - all nicey nicey, nice as ninepence - and asks if I'd make them a cup of tea when I wiz finished with Moll. Like I've got nothing better tae dae? I let them wait I can assure you of that. He's a pain in the erse that yin, I'll no be sad tae see the back of Dolly. That's one funeral I'll no be going tae." I wonder if she'll come to Dad's. I wonder if you can stop them coming. I wonder if she talks like that about me and Dad to other people. I suppose she must. No reason to suspect she's any nicer about us to other people. Just when I'd started to like her, or at least to get used to her ways and manage to convince myself they were ok.