14th February 2008 - Valentine's Day

When I visited Dad today he knew it was a 'special' day. He knew there was something up, something on, something todo. The CD playing was a love cd - "How deep is your love", "Once, twice, three times a lady", "Sexual healing", "Lady in Red" - a cd that would have been advertised on TV as 'Ideal for Valentine's day'. One of the girls must have had flowers delivered because there was a frisson in the air, a buzz of joy and jealousy, of happiness and heartfelt blues. All the others wondering if they'd get flowers too or knowing that they wouldn't.

"Ma Robbie wouldnae gie them the money for floors - if ye go tae the shops the morns day morn they'll be hauf the price. Mair money than sense - I'd rather hiv the cash, thank you very much".

"Ma Lee he's allerdgict tae floors"

"Allerdgict tae the price - eh? I sed Allerdgict tae the price"

"Wit aboot Col, did you git a cerd the morn Moira?"

"Naw, but thir better be a cerd fir me the nite - and a bloody big yin at tha' - or he's in ma bad books. If he's wantin' his hole this side of Christmas I'd better git floors, a padded cerd, a Tobelerone and a bottle of Asti. Eh? That right Nancy - I'm saying if he's efter his Nat King before Christmas I need to be appreciated".

Nancy stared blankly at her as she was hefted out of the lifting device into her chair.

"You ken wit I mean - eh Nancy ? - yiv goat tae keep 'em gaggin' oan it every noo and then - eh Nance ? Don't git me wrang, sometimes I'm right there, oan ma back legs akimbo, flappin' in the air fir him, but ivry noo and then he needs tellt whae's boss. Git them tellt - eh Nance - bet you did in yer day Nancy ma luv - git them tellt".

Dad asks me if it's someone's birthday today and I tell him it's Valentine's day. I can't tell by his face if he knows what that means or if he's even heard me speak, so I repeat myself until he looks away. Ellie tells him that her Dad gave her a chocolate heart and that she gave him a box of chocolates because her Daddy loves chocolate. "I don't like chocolate that much. Too cloying, sticky in mouth. You'd better take them back". Ellie burbles with mirth "You're not my Daddy, Granda, you're my Granda!" and Dad scowls at her, trying to understand. "Moira's not mine?" he asks me - thinking Ellie's my sister and I'm my Mum. What should I say ? Should I tell him she is and placate him, or try and make him see I'm his daughter not his wife ? "Of course Moira's yours Dad, but this is Ellie - she's my daughter. I'm your daughter, Jeannette". He looks at me, staring and blinking. He falls asleep.

"Wit aboot you Jeannette - is your man the romantic type is he?" I'm asked. And I wonder, is he? I did get a card and a pressie - and I tell them that - but is my Sean romantic? Does he jump through the hoops of Valentine's day, anniversary and birthday's to safeguard his sex life? He's not spontaneously romantic. I'd never come home to find he'd arranged a babysitter and we were off out somewhere - or that there was a bubble bath run and a meal ready. Not that kind of romantic. But I know he loves me, I know it like I've never known it before. He loves me much more than I deserve to be loved, more than I'm worth loving. I'm very lucky - and I can always run my own baths. I wouldn't change him, not one bit.