16th July 2007 - Keep your shirt on

I hadn't seen Dad since Friday. The weekend had turned out to be really busy and I hadn't managed to make time to see him. The kids are on holiday so I do't get a chance to go in during the week without them and don't think it's right to make Mark and Ellie go at the weekend too. They both - on different levels as they are 10 and 3 - find it so scary to see the residents with dementia. Ellie has been visiting since she can remember, she's never known an un-demented Dad. Mark remembers him before he got ill, when he could play football, do jigsaws and be snarly and grumpy.

Today he was shuffly, small and baffled. He kept wanting to take his shirt off and I kept trying to get him to keep it on. "Keep your shirt on" I was saying as he tried to unbutton it and untucked it from his trouser. "I'm not angry" he tried to say, dregding from his memory the saying but not connecting his actions with the actuality of him keeping his shirt on.

Tweedle was on, but so were my favourites Andrea and Mary. They are such great carers, so good at their job, so kind and patient with residents and relatives. They are simply good people. Unfortunately it was Tweedle who talked to me, but she wasn't too bad. She said she knew why he was taking his shirt off, "So's he can git at tha' bandage. Pick, pick, pick, scratch, scratch, scratch. That's him". I told her that he has very senstive skin, eczema allied with his asthma, and that there was a good chance he was allergic to the adhesive in the plaster. She was sympathetic, she has allergies herself and can't even use Head and Shoulders - and don't start her on the food additives and her two. The wee one can't tolerate anything orange - not even a Wotsit. Really tricky to feed that one.

Nothing will happen, nothing will change. If I write a letter, it'll get lost or a measure will be put in place that won't work, because it won't be implemented because it won't be believed necessary merely a pandering sop to an overfussy relative - but then they can say "We've tried everything".