11th June 2007 - FeeI the benefit now though

Dad was very depressed when I saw him. He's feeling ok, his drug regime has settled and he's pretty 'with-it'. Unfortunately that brings with it an awareness of his situation, he knows he's measuring out his life in coffee spoons, he knows where he is and he knows he's dying. He called the home a zoo today. He apologised for it right away saying that wasn't what he meant, but he was near enough. I was so lost for something to say, I couldn't think of anything to give him comfort, give him hope or solace. I could see Lily over at the door of the day room. She'd noticed us and was zimmering her way over to us. "Hullo hen, how are you the day?" I told her I was fine and asked how she was "Better than I wiz the morn hen. I wiz dog rough this morn, pished and shat mesel and I feel a lot better fur it - once I was cleaned up like, I'm no an animal. I really felt the benefit of a good empty oot. Do you enjoy a shite yersel hen?" she finished by asking. I confirmed that there was nothing like it, but quietly as I knew my Dad wouldn't approved of such coarse talk. "Maybe zoo was the bright worm after all" he said as she went towards the other end of the room to tell the residents there of her upturn in wellbeing brought on by her incontinence.