3rd June 2007 - Lying not Lion

"I've been telling lies" Dad blurted out when I met him today. "I've got to tell you. Lying to the three. Making up stories. To the three. But mainly to you. You're Jeannette". I am Jeannette. I rather liked being part of 'the three' though - it sounded vaguely Star Trekky and mystical. I was part of 'the three' - three siblings - my Dad's children.

I got him settled and asked "What do you mean you've been lying? What stories have you been telling?" I asked him. I tried not to be ingtrigued, I tried not to guide him or harass him into continuing that line of thought - both for his sake and for mine. I've known many times in the past when he seemed to be about to tell me something important only for it to be hoovered away with the dust of the housekeepers persistent,pointless, distracting vaccuming. Or to be be changed mid sentence to follow the theme blared by the commercial on TV - "Your Mum and I didn't mean any harm we just got on to Sheila's wheels. No hang on, who's Sheila?".
He stared at me and I could see him searching and searching his mind to try and find the thread he'd dropped. But it was gone "Lion? There's no lions here - you want the zoo for those" and then his face eased a little and brightened as he thought he'd got back what to his point "I meant Lyons tea house - that was it, that right isn't it?" he implored, nodding me into agreeing "Yes, that's right Lyons tea house" and he smiled, happy to have sorted that one out, and dropped off into another catnap.

He's less and less able to communicate at all these days. He still uses all the 'filler' words in conversation so that he will start off saying "I've been trying for a number of days - perhaps even a week - to tell you something. Every time I get to the point, I lose my train of thought" and by the time he's finished that - or something similar - he's knackered and can't remember the actual 'thing'.
So much of conversation is pointless - not just my Dad's. I hate it when people talk and talk but say nothing. "Well, actually,in point of fact, it's like this Jeannette, I turned round and I just said to the boy I said......" instead of "I said....". Wasted words. And when your words are measured out in rations of five or six at a time, there's no point wasting them will fillers, with crap. I want to tell him just to say what is important. But it's pointless. He won't understand. I looked at him and he's fighting his way to wakefulness again. His skin is very dry, the antibiotics he's been on are making his skin very itchy, his skin is "anty" which I took to mean that he felt it was crawling. He's used to having dry itchy skin - he's had asthma and eczema all his life. He's been taken off the cream he'd used for the past 30 years for his skin to alieviate the itching "because of the long term detrimental effects". Aye right. His skin is dry, his eyes are yellowing, bloodshot and his irises are constricting with a bluey white ring. He's losing weight too, he looks so small. Small and helpless. And hopeless. But he doesn't need to be itchy too - long term detrimental effects? Fucking Doctors.