1st January 2008 - Happy New Year

Linda caught me as I went in today. She wanted to know if I'd noticed how confused my Dad was lately. D'uh! Really?! She said they'd noticed a change in his personality. I had seen, lately, that he seemed to be hallucinating a lot, that often he'd try and pick up a cup that wasn't there and ignore the one that was - even manage to drink invisible tea from the imaginery cup and leave the real one. Linda said this is happening at meal times too, that he'll just stare at the food apparently unaware that it's there or unaware that he's supposed to eat it. I'd always assumed that hunger would drive him to eat, but I've read since that the brain signals that should be telling him he's hungry can get misinterpreted too.

"He's awfy stubborn, not like hesel at all. I wiz trying tae feed him his brekkie the morn and he wisnae huvin ony of it. Right bloodyminded if you dinnae mind me tellin ye" said Linda. I didn't mind. But, in truth, Dad's always been stubborn. When he was himself he was incredibly stubborn. It's only really since he was ill that he's been more maleable, more pliable, more willing to do stuff.

I sat beside him and tried to wake him. He kept almost waking but then falling back to sleep. I stayed for another 20 miutes and was just about to give up trying to rouse him, when the noise of the tea trolley woke him. I wished him a happy new year. He said "Happy? What's happy about it? Happy if it's my last. New year's resolution - not to see another". And then he said "Filled rolls. Disgusting. Will you work with hemp?"