25th December 2007 Happy Christmas

I visited Dad this morning. I took him in his present - it was a new electric shaver. He didn't seem to know it was Christmas, he didn't know how to unwrap his present, nor what it was for. I went and put it in his room because quite often things won't make it that far, he'll not realise there his or someone else will take a liking to them and they'll disappear. His room was unlocked, which is unusual. He had one card - from the home. I wonder where my card and the cards from Ellie and Max ended up. I wonder if no-one else sent him a card.
When I got back he was sleeping again. I woke him and stayed for a while longer. It seemed wrong to leave but it seemed pointless staying. The new lady was shouting "£20 for a bacon roll and a cup of tea - that's day light robbery. They are stealing rainbows you know - can keep all but the blue for me. Bastards eh? Smoked salmon pasties? That's outrageous! Smoked salmon? Smells like fanny and I'm no eating that fur naebudy." I kiss Dad's forehead and tell him to enjoy his Christmas dinner and the rest of his day.

We went to Sean's sisters for Christmas dinner and stayed over. His cousin and her family where there too, so the kids had a good time, I get on with his cousin, she's lovely and although I don't really know him, her husband seems great too, so that blunted the rest. Someone asked how he was, when I tell them they say "Well, at least he doesn't know where he is, that's some comfort" but I don't listen I just want them to stop talking, stop talking about him and spouting platitudes. There's nothing anyone can say that's going to make it better, that's going to help, that isn't going to make me feel worse, worse for him, worse about me, just worse.

The following evening Dad's brother called to say their sister had died on Christmas day. She lived in Australia, had dementia and had been in a home almost exactly the same length of time Dad has. I wonder how that makes my Uncle feel, with both siblings demented. Scary.

I can't decide whether to tell Dad or not.