The pre-amble

Introduction

To be honest this is not really a diary. Not a blow by blow account of what has happened, as it only occurred to me to start recording it on the 11th of October 2005. I’ve filled in the time prior to that with a rough accuracy on dates and remembering the feelings as well as I can – although the feelings that I’ve had during this horrendous journey are easily remembered – if only they were as easily forgotten. I’ve changed some names, some family stuff. Many events and a lot of the background is fanciful, but the reality of living with a parent with dementia is there - I hope.


Multi Infarct Dementia

A brief trip to the internet - which anyone being told a relative has dementia can hardly avoid taking – will quickly yield very depressing but also very unsatisfactory descriptions of what to expect. There are no timescales, there is no adequate description of what can be considered ‘normal’ and what not, there is so little information or help on what your relative will be going through, or what to expect for yourself.

For example – as a definition …..
Multi-infarct dementia develops slowly. The first sign can be impaired memory. Eventually this impairment becomes so serious that something is obviously wrong. Dementia starts to show and everyday tasks become more difficult - and sometimes impossible.At first, the patient may suspect that something is wrong and this can be an extremely unpleasant experience. But as the disease continues to evolve, this awareness will usually disappear. The problem is then the concern of the patient's family and doctor.
The dementia itself is untreatable and the patient may eventually need constant care.


What does that actually mean to the individuals, the families, the children, the grandchildren, brothers, sisters and friends that are affected by the diagnosis of dementia that is handed down often almost glibly and often to the relative to deal with rather than the individual themselves. Do you tell the person that they have it? Do you tell their grandchildren? Do you need to tell them to be able to sort out their finances? Do you have the right to decide where they should live without consulting them?